Bump-Date

It sure has been a long time since I've written on this thang. I promise I have good reasons for not doing so...

After our miscarriage...

I honestly didn't have the passion to write or share anything, nor did I know what to even write about. I was very upside-down in my life and just wasn't normal. I didn't want to see or hear about any one else having a baby. I've realized that time does NOT heal wounds, God does.

But then...

We got pregnant almost immediately after we lost our baby. This was really emotionally confusing to say the least. I was still mourning the loss of someone I loved so much but wanted to celebrate this new life growing inside of me. Being pregnant after losing a baby is obviously unlike anything I've experienced before. It was SO HARD for me to be excited again. I was timid to tell anyone because "what if it happened again?..." Naturally after a woman finds out shes pregnant she can't help but think way into the future about what the baby will look like, will it be a boy or a girl?, will she look like me?, cute nursery ideas, and so on and so forth. I kept shoving these thoughts and feelings deep inside to protect myself. Each doctors appointment came with extreme anxiety about what the doctor would say, see, or hear. Every little twinge and cramp threw me into a panic thinking something was wrong. It's exhausting. I kept thinking "Oh if I just get to that 12 week mark I can be calm again.." Well that point came and I was STILL uneasy. Then 14 weeks came and we got to see our baby on an ultrasound. He was moving like crazy and had a strong heartbeat = AMAZING. This created an even stronger bond I had with this little gift from God. I would say at about the 20 week mark is when I finally started to relax a little and enjoy being pregnant.
They say you find out who your real friends are when you go through a tragedy or trial and I believe that to be 100% truth. I have really great friends here that really do care about me and my family, and for that I am so incredibly thankful. Ultimately though, all I could and can do is trust that God will take care of me and my family, because he loves us.

And now...

I am happy to report as of today we are 30 weeks pregnant with a precious little boy that we are going to name Jameson. Throughout this pregnancy I have worked extremely hard to stay healthy by going to the gym regularly and eating organic, natural foods to support this growing babe. We are over the moon excited to have a son and Brilynn is BEYOND excited to be a big sister.